Kick-Ass 2 – Everywhere
A super violent sub-par sequel to the super violent sub-par original. It’s weirdos in costumes fighting about bullshit and nobody cares, not even the actors. Plus, no Nicolas Cage, which is embarrassing to every movie without Nicolas Cage, but most of all, this piece of shit.
Lee Daniels’ The Butler – Everywhere
Weinstein Oscar bait starring every celebrity, up to and including Oprah. It’s an easy morals movie about a White House butler and his past and future and it’s not BORING boring, but it’s just like, eating empty garbage. But, on the bright side, Oprah has been giving out cars on other people’s TV shows to promote the movie, because she’s the weirdest best. Rain wishes the movie were better, here’s her review.
Jobs – Everywhere
Ashton Kutcher as Steve Jobs in a terrible biopic. Just stay home and watch The Pirates of Silicon Valley on one screen and The Butterfly Effect on another and then that’s the same movie and it’s free.
Percy Jackson: Sea Monsters in 3D – Everywhere
This is about the son of Poseidon, who is named Percy Jackson? There’s a surprise appearance from Harry Potter’s flying car. Which brings me to my next point, out of control CGI. It’s just a big mess that takes place in the ocean and is silly and nonsensical and you should most definitely get high as a kite and see it.
Planes in 3D – Everywhere
It’s not a Pixar movie but it wishes it was. Instead of Cars, it’s about Planes, and that’s all you need to know.
Paranoia – Everywhere
God-awful corporate espionage thriller with dumb twists and idiotic turns. Its worst offense is that it’s a waste of Gary Oldman. If you’re giving Oldman money, you better get some serious edge-of-your seat insanity. Boo.
In a World – Century 9, Kabuki
Delightful romp about a woman trying to break into the male-dominated voiceover world. Lake Bell writes, directs, and stars in this absolutely charming tale of a lady who comes out on top. Oh, and Tig Notaro’s in it, which should be enough to get you into the theater!
